Perspective

I have had some interesting experiences and conversations over the last week that have really showed me how much my life has changed in the last 14 months.

On Tuesday morning I woke up at 6AM, got in the shower, got dressed, left the house before my son and husband were even up, and headed downtown. I hadn't done that since I left for work the Friday before Drew's surprise arrival on Monday.

I went downtown to watch opening arguments in a trial-- MY trial. The one I focused on every work day for 3 years. This case has been 7 years coming to trial, and I have to admit, it was strange not being part of it when it happened.

In the days after Drew was born, I checked my work email on my work blackberry multiple times per day. For one, he came so early that I hadn't told anyone what I was working on, where my stuff was, or what anyone needed to take over for me. Two, I was anxious to have a taste of my previously "normal" world. I didn't get that. My boss, to her credit, told everyone they were NOT to email while I was on maternity leave.

As much as I loved Drew, several months into being a stay-at-home mom I probably would have gone back to work. I couldn't get out much. I wasn't sleeping much. I missed adult conversation and the ability to get lunch from any place I chose. I just recently spoke to another recent SAHM convert, and she echoed the same thing. Maybe this feeling isn't crazy or unusual.

But slowly, things changed. I officially quit and they took my blackberry back. I eventually stopped the google alerts on all the important case terms. While Drew and I see my old co-workers every 3-4 weeks for lunch, I stopped emailing them every day for an update.

But Tuesday, 14.5 months after Drew, I realize I have finally made the complete switch in thinking. I LOVED sitting in on part of that trial. It was a huge part of my life. But I was happy to leave the courtroom and come home to a little man who had proudly donned my running socks. And I realized that have some new friends who don't know I was a lawyer in my previous life. For now, I have given up that part if my identity.

I actually credit Ellie with so much of that shift. I WAS thinking of returning to work before I knew she was joining us. But when I saw that sweet little heartbeat on the screen, I felt like it was God saying "you can't do it all. This precious little life and the life of her big brother are so important, and frankly, it won't be easy at first. Let it all go and focus on them."

So I am.

And I haven't felt more satisfied with my 9-5 life EVER.