An open letter to "that" jogger in my neighborhood

Dear older man,

I applaud your consistency with physical fitness.  Obviously you are retired (since you choose to run in the middle of the day when most people are working and/or hiding from the heat), and I think its fantastic that you have incorporated fitness into your routine, because I'm pretty sure when I hit "retirement"  I'll be watching 50 year old reruns of Oprah.

However, I do have one concern-- and that is of your attire.  You see, shiny blue spandex bike shorts have been "out" since the 80s.  Mostly because shiny spandex isn't becoming on anyone.  Also, you wear these shiny blue spandex bike shorts each and every day.  And I am starting to believe that you do NOT own several pairs.  Do you wash them every night?  Do you just (**shutter**) re-use them?  Also, your sweat on these shiny blue spandex bike shorts is painfully obvious, and your particular sweat pattern looks like you may have had an accident around mile 1. 

However, you do look quite tan since you don't wear a top with the bike shorts.  So there's that.

Please, fine sir, take a trip to Academy and see what they have for running these days.  They have some fantastic fabrics that wick sweat from your body.  And they come in non-shiny colors.  And I will be less likely to notice what you are wearing if you aren't wearing something I might have worn as the bottom of my ensemble for 80's dress up day in high school.

Thanks for your assistance in this matter.

Your neighbor